Low-Hanging Fruit: Anthony Weiner

june 6, 2011 by camille hayes leave a comment

Low-Hanging Fruit is an occasional feature in which I ridicule people who have already been so thoroughly castigated that they really don’t need me piling on to make the point. But then I go ahead and pile on anyway, because I’m just trivial enough to enjoy that sort of thing. In this post I discus Congressman Weiner’s Twit-Pic scandal, and don’t even try to refrain from making dick jokes.

Pity poor Anthony Weiner, who is having the worst news week we’ve seen in many a moon. Or on second thought, don’t pity him, for he is a duplicitous tool; instead, laugh with me at the plethora of juvenile double entendres and “wiener” puns we are all now free to make. Just look at the title of this feature, above —when paired with his last name, it is suddenly rather amusing, n’est-ce pas? Penis jokes are awesome.

But leaving aside the crotch humor for a moment, as if that were even possible, I want to touch on (ew) an aspect of Weiner’s story that has so far been overlooked: the role of Bill and Hillary Clinton in setting him up with his spouse. Everybody by now knows that the dweeby Weiner (heh) has an inexplicably hot wife who works as Hillary’s aid. And the Arkansas Horndog himself officiated the Weiner wedding (ha) complete with embarrassing-in-retrospect “jokes” about the trustworthiness of politicians. What could Huma Abedin have been thinking, after all? Who the hell would take marital guidance from those two? I picture Hil sidling up to her one night at the Humiliated Political Wives Cocktail Mixer and whispering “He looks like a philandering douchebag–you should totally go for it!” Then they squealed girlishly and clapped their hands, then Hillary probably told her which waterproof mascara would be the best one to wear later, for the press conference.

To recap: Anthony Weiner’s name is funny, because it’s pronounced “wiener,” which is slang for penis. He got caught sending pictures of his erect penis to some rando on Twitter, which is funny because his name is Weiner, and also it’s an incredibly dumb thing for a politician to do. Finally, all of this is funny because penises themselves are funny, because . . . well, you know. So anyway. Penis. (Hee-hee.)