• Camille

Supreme Court to Walmart Plaintiffs: Shut Up, You Dumb Girls

june 27, 2011 by camille hayes leave a comment

Good news for all you misogynist bosses out there: the Supreme Court totally has your back, bro. Apparently all you have to do is write a policy saying you’re not allowed to discriminate against women, and then you can safely discriminate against women on a massive fucking scale and you will be totally fine. Because: the written policy!  It’s genius, really. Not since the Citizens United decision have I been so forcefully reminded that the conservative majority of our nation’s highest court is a pack of absolute, unrepentant hypocrites. I actually like to be reminded of that; I find it bracing, like a cold shower or a sudden blow to the head. Gets the adrenalin flowing! God, they’re terrible. But I digress.

A bunch a of women attempted to file a class action suit against infamous megacorp miscreant Walmart for sex discrimination, saying they were routinely paid less than men and passed over for promotions. Walmart basically said, “Suck it, we’ll appeal all the way to the Supreme Court because we have a zillion dollars and some time on our hands.” By the time the case reached SCOTUS, the question was whether or not the women had a right to sue as a “class,” meaning they had all suffered similar harm from Walmart. Despite having a ton of evidence and having the class action suit supported by several appellate judges, the Supremes found in favor of Walmart, because it had been a good twenty minutes since they’d last sided with nefarious corporate interests and they were looking to mix things up.

Now, each of the women is free to sue Walmart individually, but suing people is very expensive, and the company has shown that it has the stomach for lengthy litigation (see above, re: a zillion dollars). And, considering that these women’s original grievance is about sex-based WAGE disparities, it kind of seems like adding insult to economic injury to ask them to spend lots of money in order to prove that they have been underpaid. But the most amazing thing about the Walmart v. Dukes opinion really is the bit about the written policy. Like, if you get companies to pinky-swear that they think girls are cool and they will totally let them into the fort, that’s all the legal coverage you need. Which is why, yesterday, I wrote a policy that no one who publishes on this blog is ever allowed to call Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts a disingenuous asshat. I expressly forbid it!  Go ahead and sue me, Roberts. I’m bulletproof.

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