Charlie Sheen + LAPD = Best Friends 4-Evah!!

march 12, 2011 by camille hayes leave a comment

For once I’m guessing that Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen’s estranged wife, feels lucky that paparazzi are dogging her unhinged husband’s every move. When LA police got a tip that Charlie had a gun in violation of the restraining order she filed when he, you know, threatened to cut off her head, the cops actually went and took Sheen’s weapon. Most women aren’t so lucky; in fact, in many cases the police don’t even bother to show up and search, never mind confiscate anything. But because TMZ was in the bushes with a video camera, the LAPD took a little break from beating people up to raid the home of the notorious batterer, crack head and insane person and divest him of his gun and ammo which, under the circumstances, is literally the least they could do.

No mention was made of knives, swords, or other implements appropriate to the task of wife-head-removal. Apropos of that threat, Sheen was recently videotaped swinging a machete around on some roof in LA (see above, re: insane) so we know he’s got the goods. And if you think the idea of murdering his wife with a machete is only Charlie being his wacky self and couldn’t really happen because it’s sooooo crazy, I encourage you to think again. In 2009, Griselda Gonzales was hacked to death with a machete by her abusive husband in the southern California beauty salon where she worked. The murder happened during the day, in front of customers; it was a total Apocalypse Now-style bloodbath in suburban Cali.*

So Brooke is fortunate that everyone in America knows about her restraining order, and police thus feel more obliged than usual to make sure that it’s enforced. What’s less comforting is how chummy LA’s finest seemed to be with the batterer they’re supposed to be monitoring: Sheen apparently ate burgers in the backyard with his stripper entourage while police searched the house, and the cops were so friendly that Charlie immediately took to Twitter to declare their awesomeness. And while I’m sure I’m glad everyone had such a pleasant time searching the lunatic wife beater’s home for weapons, a little less chit-chat and a little more “involuntary psychiatric hospitalization” is probably in order here. Is now the time to remind you again that he is a crazy person who threatened to cut his wife’s head off? Yeah, OK.

*Speaking of Apocalypse Now, I wonder how Martin Sheen is feeling these days? I bet he’s wishing there were a cave in a remote jungle someplace where he could send his absolute disaster of a son.